When Tammy Plunkett’s first child came out to her as trans, the former nurse realized that she had a lot to learn in order to help them live a healthy life. By the time her second child came out a few years later, Plunkett realized she still had no road map of reference points for how to help her children navigate their identities or medical transitions.
And so she created one for any parent out there hoping to offer the best support possible.
Her new book, “Gender-Affirming Care: A Guide for Families of Medically Transitioning Youth,” which drops on Nov. 10, offers parents a practical guide to what medical transitions actually entail, and explains how access to care is often life-saving for youth. It’s the kind of resource I wish my own parents had when I came out as queer, before they had the language or context to support me and understand what I was going through.
But beneath the practical information, Plunkett’s book describes something more nuanced: a mom’s love for her children and her determination to help them live happy, fulfilled lives — even as certain politicians try to erase their existence.
We spoke with Plunkett about what she learned from raising two trans children, what politicians often misunderstand about gender-affirming care and how anxious parents can learn to set aside their (legitimate) fears and lead with facts and, above all, love.
How do you think your background as a nurse informed your approach to your trans children?
It’s a bit of a double-edged sword because I began in the 90s when being trans was considered a mental illness. But when my son came out as trans when he was 11, my nursing background helped a lot in terms of understanding how to read a medical study, what was truly peer reviewed-science versus what was people’s opinion on the internet.
As a nurse, how do you process transness as not a “disorder,” but also an identity that may require medical intervention?
I live in the world of nuance now. I understand that everything is on a spectrum. You need medical interventions when your trans child is having a lot of distress in their life — that’s not healthy — so we do need to treat it as something that needs attention. From that point of view, it is a medical and a psychological well-being intervention.
The temptation out there is to make it “wrong,” but there’s a difference between making something wrong and supporting something that needs medical care. If somebody is born with diabetes, we don’t make it evil, but for some reason there is this temptation to make trans people evil.
What do you think members of the Trump administration fundamentally misunderstand about how families make gender-affirming care decisions?
Many politicians in general misunderstand how thoroughly these decisions are considered. People seem to think someone is placed on a surgery list five minutes after coming out, but that is absolutely false; there are long waiting lists. Care involves the trans person, their support system and often psychologists, social workers, endocrinologists, surgeons and primary-care doctors.
There is also a misconception that every transgender person pursues every possible intervention. Some people only socially transition, some use hormones, and others pursue surgery. The goal is to choose the level of intervention that person needs in order to feel safe and happy.
Has the political climate in the United States affected transgender people in Canada, where you raised your children?
Absolutely. I live in Alberta, which now has very restrictive policies surrounding gender-affirming care, transgender students and sports. When my son came out in 2016, it was actually easier than it is now.
My children encountered less hatred online and felt more supported during that time. We have an expression here that says, “When the United States sneezes, Canada catches a cold.” What happens politically in the U.S. eventually has a pretty direct ripple effect here.
Speaking of ripple effects, how are you preparing for the reaction to this book?
I’m anticipating some hate. After my first book came out, I appeared on a debate show that had negative [fallout]. I was pretty hurt by it and I withdrew from the public eye for a while. Now I have allies who help filter social media and emails so I don’t have to see everything that comes out.
But I’ve also received meaningful responses. A pastor’s wife once told me that knowing my family and reading what I’ve written helped her understand the human side of this issue and advocate for greater openness within her church.
That is why I do this work, to humanize people whom others may only know as a letter in an acronym or a political boogeyman.
How do you respond to people who might see that you happen to have two trans children and might say something like, “she probably encouraged her children to be trans”?
My response to that would be that I actually wasn’t immediately open and accepting, and my son would be the first to tell you that I made many mistakes and did a lot of research before I became accepting.
But actually, when I look at both sides of my children’s family, I see a great deal of queerness and transgender identity, and I believe there may be a biological or genetic predisposition. I do support my children, and it was probably easier for my second trans child to come out because I had more knowledge. But I did not encourage it; I would never encourage my children to face hatred every day for the rest of their lives.
How can parents distinguish legitimate uncertainty about gender-affirming care from politically motivated misinformation online?
Start by looking at where the information you’re getting comes from. In 2026, parents should look to peer-reviewed medical research and people who have studied this subject for decades, not influencers who are clearly creating content in search of views, followers or sponsorships.
Ask questions of people with direct experience, including transgender people themselves. Parents need reliable science, but they also need to understand that transgender people are human beings, and not these abstract political issues.
What advice would you give parents who feel frightened or confused after their child comes out?
First, take a breath and don’t be overly reactive. You are going to have emotions, but process them away from your child. Your child is not your search engine, and they shouldn’t have to perform the additional labor of educating you.
Also, remember how much you loved your child when you first held them as a baby and how perfect they seemed. Their uniqueness is part of who they are. Fearful parents are often acting out of love, I know this for a fact, but they need to step back, trust that their child knows who they are and learn to celebrate them.
This is a long process, not a five-minute decision or a box someone checks and there will be questions, research and many decisions along the way. Take your time, and allow the process to change you. You may actually become much closer to your child in the end.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.