Hypothetical tweets from real NFL figures!
@JayCutler6 This year for the holidays I'm buying Laz-E-Boy recliners for all my offensive linemen. #makesuretheyrereturnable
@SeanWSpoon56 The best thing about playing Thursday night was that Le'Ron McClain's salivary glands had a short week to prepare for the game. #facefacts
@tchoice23 Coach Garrett said he was going to change our team's culture, so he has us listening to classical music and going to art museums. #princetonguy
@KevinBossman Hakeem Nicks, stop sending "care packages" to the UNC football players! #impermissiblebenefits
@thecooleyzone Hey, Clinton Portis, since you're such a Phillies' fan, move to Philly and sabotage their football team instead of ours. #notanatsfan
@mikevick You can't blame the Redskins - Rex Grossman's won just as many Super Bowls as Donovan McNabb. #notsayingmuch
@Nate13Burleson Round and round the injury demon goes. Who's our quarterback this week? Nobody knows. #definitelynotstafford
@Percy_Harvin All this talk about Brett's streak and Chilly's getting fired is giving me a migraine. #thoughtwewerepastthis
@AaronRodgers12 Since we have our bye week Donald Driver's looking for a donor for a body transplant. #lotsofluck
@EarnestGraham Win or lose, nobody on the other team goes anywhere near LeGarrette Blount on the field after the game. #wonderwhy
@JonVilma51 Is @Pierre_Thomas ever coming back? #greatpumpkin
@JimmyClausen Why do our fans keep asking me how long my contract runs? #camnewton
@CL7TWO (Chris Long) @sj39 (Steven Jackson) said his finger might prevent him from playing, so I told him to cut it off. #127Hours
@SBreaston15 Thank goodness we play in the NFC West - can you imagine what our record would be if we played in a real division? #no
@PatrickWillis52 Troy Smith says he's more excited for this week's game than he was when he faced Michigan in college. #doubtful
@PeteCarroll Hmm, do I start @Hasselbeck (Matt Hasselbeck) or Charlie Whitehurst this week? #JimZorn #notmuchofachoice
@Brian Hartline Can Chad Pennington even throw the ball any more? #shovelpassasadeepthrow
@LeighBodden Maybe we would have been better off keeping @r81m (Randy Moss) #toolatenow #hedoesntplaydefense
@Mark_Sanchez Coach Ryan has challenged his twin brother, Rob, to a sack race at halftime. #helpivefallenandicantgetup
@leeevans83 We tried to get Al Michaels to broadcast our game against the Lions, but he turned us down. #doyoubelieveinmiracles
@86hinesward Remember when people speculated Ben Roethlisberger's suspension would ruin our season? #quicktoforget
@Steve20Slaton We'll never get to the playoffs with Gary Kubiak as our coach. #sadbuttrue
@ChrisJohnson28 @r81m (Randy Moss), meet your new quarterback, Kerry Collins. You'll recall that his team knocked your team out of the playoffs in 2001. #geethanks
@PierreGarcon85 Hey, Donald Brown, don't get hurt - you're our only healthy running back. #pagingEdgerrinJames
@Jones_Drew32 If we win against Houston this Sunday, the Texans should just disband after the game. #maybetheyllmovetoLAinstead
@raylewis52com I'm gonna bite the head off the next fool who asks me about@LeRonMcClain33 #ravenlunatics
@terrellowens Hey, Carson Palmer, I didn't recognize you because you weren't lying on your back. #OchoCincosaidthattoo
@JoshCribbs16 Colt McCoy, Jake Delhomme and Senecca Wallace have volunteered to make your meals for the rest of the season. #hireatastetester
@dmcfadden20 Al Davis is a bit giddy - he's already asking us about our design preferences for our Super Bowl champion rings. #justatadpremature
@superdj56 (Derrick Johnson) Too bad Matt Cassel wasn't on our team when he was a rook. #badchesspuns
@AntonioGates85 Just to mess with Philip Rivers we're going to start the Jonas brothers at wide receiver this week and see if he notices the difference. #hellstillthrowfor300yds
@knowshonmoreno If you don't stop asking me about Peyton Hillis, I'm gonna go all Manny Pacquiao on you. #readytorumble