Parents tell their fair share of white lies, but kids have a special flair for stretching the truth.
From implausible excuses for messes to fully fabricated stories, the creativity of children’s lies is often impressive. That’s the impression we get from the hilarious parents of Twitter anyway.
We’ve rounded up 25 funny tweets about the lies kids tell. Enjoy!
My 8yo just tried to convince me that there's sugar all over his mouth because he tripped and landed on a donut.
— JennyPentland GED (@JennyPentland) April 16, 2014
Me: What happened to Ken?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2015
5-year-old daughter: Zombies. pic.twitter.com/frJHM6MZPc
I just caught my son lying to me. I made him promise to never lie to me ever again. He swore that he wouldn't. I'm pretty sure that's a lie.
— Adam Mordecai (@advodude) January 21, 2014
Favorite lie told by my kids:
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 13, 2016
I cleaned my room but don't go in there yet.
I asked my 4 yo if she’s ever lied to me, and she says, “Only occasionally.” 😩😩😩
— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) November 2, 2020
"I emailed the teacher but haven't heard back" is the new "my dog ate my homework."
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 19, 2021
72% of parenting is asking kids how something got broken...and then listening to them lie about it.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 6, 2018
My kids, in a last-minute desperate attempt, tried to convince me that the dentist was located in Toys R Us.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) May 11, 2015
I'd like to recognize my son for his groundbreaking work in the field of Retroactive Truths. Yesterday I scolded him for lying about picking up his dirty clothes; this morning after tossing them in the hamper he ran up in my face and yelled, "See?!? I TOLD YOU I put them away!"
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 1, 2020
My kids have been blatantly lying to me all day and then yelling APRIL FOOLS.
— The Dad (@thedad) April 1, 2017
As opposed to other days where they just lie.
I get why it’s important for kids to use their imagination but they be lying for no reason.
— Coach P (@CoachPSays) January 31, 2021
My 5 yr old randomly told me he played for the Lakers in 1997.
All I said was “you’re getting so tall”and that was his response.😭😂🤣
My kids tried to convince me today is Sunday.
— Becky Too Many Kids, Send Help (@beckyhas4kids) May 2, 2020
50 days into quarantine and it almost worked.
My 5-year-old says she didn't do anything bad with the scissors I caught her with last week.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2020
The latest load of laundry says: That was a lie. pic.twitter.com/sEa1AH7SdY
My son lying to his little sister so she isn’t sad about a movie ending reminds me this year has brought them so much closer together and also kids will lie about anything
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) October 22, 2020
NYE Awakeness Report
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) January 1, 2016
9pm:10yo asleep
945pm: I dozed during movie
10pm:8yo lied about not dozing during movie
Now:Husband rolling eyes at us
Kid tried to convince me he's allergic to church and can't go.
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) April 27, 2014
I'm just jealous I didn't think of it first.
Therapist: And what do you say when the kids lie to you?
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) August 4, 2020
Me: Can’t trust no bitch
Therapist: I would’ve also accepted “Fuck these kids,” but sure ok
5 year old told me he caught a bee with his bare hands. I know he's lying. He knows he's lying. But we're pretending this crap is real.
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) March 8, 2016
My toddler tried to convince me she lost a tooth and needed money from the tooth fairy.
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) July 17, 2019
I just hope that when she does start losing teeth she’ll still accept chocolate money.
4yo lied about being "done" and then pooped on my hand. There's that prestige I was looking for.
— SnuggleMummy (@NinsMum) February 10, 2015
My son tried to convince me that he wasn't tired. Once he actually laid down, he slept for 2 hours.
— Shannon Kooistra (@SunnyShannon) June 19, 2009
Me: Your preschool teacher said she caught you lying.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 22, 2015
4-year-old: I’m sorry.
Me: I taught you to lie better than that.
My son tried to convince me that today was a snow day and school was cancelled...hopefully he marries well.
— Crazy Stalker Mom (@texasstalkermom) August 26, 2014
My 3yo daughter tried to convince me that George Washington was her great grandfather. I think she was hoping I would give her the dollar.
— BeDifferentActNormal (@lorieblogs) August 17, 2011
My 3 year old tried to convince me that he injured his knee and it needed popcorn.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) December 11, 2017