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35 Too-Real Tweets About Shopping For School Supplies

"Just so you know, buying school supplies six weeks before your kids' first day of school doesn't make the school year arrive any faster like I hoped it would."

WestNet News wire Source: HuffPost
35 Too-Real Tweets About Shopping For School Supplies

After all the time and effort spent shopping for school supplies, every parent is secretly hoping to receive this message:

Dear Parent,

Please accept this humble missive as a token of my gratitude for your truly superlative performance with this year’s back-to-school shopping list.

All of the notebook paper you provided was college ruled, and your folders were the correct twelve colors. You got the good crayons, the soft tissues and the disinfecting wipes that don’t cut your fingers when you try to take them out. You remembered the difference between a protractor and a compass. All the pencils you provided were pre-sharpened. Every one of your glue sticks is moist. You managed to discover shades of highlighters that I’ve never even heard of, and the pencil case you selected withstood being run over by a monster truck during product testing.

Congratulations on this historic accomplishment. Our school community, and indeed, our nation, could really use more parents like you.

Alas, no teacher has ever sent such a note. Here are 35 tweets about the thankless job of procuring school supplies for children.

Me: What else do you need for school supplies?

7-year-old: Nunchucks.

Me: They're not on the list.

7: Ninjas don't make lists.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2019

Crayons: come in boxes of 8, 24, 64, or 96

School supply list: box of 18 crayons

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 30, 2021

If you’re not up at 5am on the first day of school to finish buying your kids school supplies, you are not my people

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 29, 2022

School emails be like:
Welcome to X Elementary! Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. Our drop-off time is 8:24. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. Welcome back!

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 8, 2022

Annual back to school reminder that Crazy Art crayons are not ok.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 5, 2024

Me to 12yo: We have to go to Staples to get your school supplies
9yo: Can I come?
Me: We already got your supplies, why do you need to come?
9yo: First of all, Staples smells AMAZING

— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 16, 2022

Just so you know, buying school supplies six weeks before your kids' first day of school doesn't make the school year arrive any faster like I hoped it would.

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) July 13, 2024

Offered to pay 12yo to reuse school supplies from last year and suddenly she doesn’t need anything and I owe her $200.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) August 16, 2021

Therapist: so what brings you in today?

Me: I've been having dreams that my kids school supplies are trying to kill me.

Therapist: [takes out pencil]

Me: [screams]

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) August 22, 2019

Apparently we aren’t allowed to add “alcohol for teacher” to the school supply lists so anyway the school year is already ruined

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 15, 2023

Need a second mortgage to get school supplies this year

— Trey (@treydayway) August 17, 2021

My phone just autocorrected “School supplies” to “Achoo supplies”, which is actually not far off considering the amount of tissue boxes, sanitizer, and Lysol wipes we have to send in with these kiddos.

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) June 11, 2022

My kid’s school already sent the school supplies list for next year and one of the things they need is a box of unsharpened pencils which, if I’m being honest, seems literally pointless.

— The Dad (@thedad) May 24, 2022

What wine pairs well with back to school supply shopping?

Asking for a friend.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 10, 2018

Target is mostly out of school supplies and school hasn't even started yet what's wrong with you psychos?

— SlowBreak (@AverageJer) September 3, 2021

Putting off ordering my son’s 4th grade supplies through the school to the point where I missed the deadline and now have to get the 76 items on my own is so annoyingly on brand for me.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 14, 2018

*tattoos school supply list*
*finishes shopping*

School Email: Sorry here’s an urgent updated list

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 20, 2021

Well… I’ve compiled the school supplies and basically, kids, sometimes what you want in life is a vacation and what you get is EXPO markers

— The Baby Lady (@thebabylady7) August 4, 2021

My favorite part of back-to-school shopping is complaining about how much it cost, how we have too many kids, how stressed I am, etc. This year I only have to get supplies for ONE. And it’s for my 8th grade son. He doesn’t even want a lunch box ffs. All my joy is stolen.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 21, 2022

School supply lists be like kid 1 needs two packs of 10 markers. Kid 2 needs one pack of 8. Kid 3 needs 4 pens. 1 and 2 need a single pen labeled with their name BUT don’t label the ones for kid 3 because they share CAN'T FOOL ME. I RECOGNIZE A STORY PROBLEM WHEN I SEE ONE.

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) August 18, 2022

Replacing items on this school supplies list with things we have around the house.

No. 2.5 medium soft lead pencils = crayons

10-Pack Pentel Hi-Polymer Block Eraser (White) = gum

Ream of HP 30% Recycled Paper (FSC Certified) = paper plates

— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 11, 2021

dear school

you said school supplies are optional

i have anxiety

if you need me i’ll be holding the optional supply list in the middle of target sweating and crying

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 10, 2022

Given what kids actually do with rulers, school supply stores should market them as wooden swords to use in class.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 19, 2013

Do teachers realize that they can put anything on their school supply list & we will buy it? Spa weekend, tix to a show? JUST TAKE MY KIDS!

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) August 5, 2018

Heading to Staples with the school supply list that arrived today because obviously the school hates me & wants me to die.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 29, 2017

I asked my kids if they wanted to do something fun so I took them to buy school supplies & now everyone is crying.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 17, 2017

Wife: Did you get all the school supplies like I asked?

Me: Sure did! *opens brief case full of ballpoint pens, Post-it notes, file folders and legal pads*

Wife: You stole those from the office didn’t you?

Me: And I saved us a fortune!

— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 28, 2018

I don't day drink often. But when I do, it's after dropping $150 on school supplies w/ a tantruming 2yo along for the ride.#backtoschool

— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) August 3, 2015

If time is money, then I’m gonna need about 15 years to pay for all these school clothes and supplies.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) August 3, 2021

I wish I loved anything as much as my wife loves new school supplies.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 9, 2021

School starts this week so apparently that means I’m 6 weeks late on school supply shopping, because there isn’t a damn pencil to be found. My kids will be starting Tuesday with a backpack full of Halloween candy.

— Shit I tell my toddler (@Toddler_talkin) September 2, 2023

Every class school supply list has one crazy item on it that doesn’t exist, like a “13-ring binder” just to see if you’re actually reading the whole thing.

— The Dad (@thedad) August 8, 2021

My 9-year-old brought home her school supply list with all the items I got wrong circled and if I had known this was going to be graded I would have tried harder.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 25, 2021

It’s the first day of school, and my kids are hauling so many school supplies in their backpacks, they look like human pack mules.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 4, 2018

My favorite part of the school year is when the school supplies I had to frantically buy at the beginning of the year, come home unused at the end of the year

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 16, 2023