The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Me to my four year old: “okay, ten minutes until bed time.”
Her: “how about four minutes? Because four is my FAVORITE number!”

…..

Me: “you got a deal.”

— Mae (@KairoSznn) November 2, 2026

lately my 4-yr-old has been really into dry, uncooked everything bagels. so this has resulted in him asking us for an "everything bagel with nothing" which is objectively really funny

— kiwi 🪡🧭🦎 (@kiwehhhhh) November 2, 2026

My 6 year old just yelled “mom! I need help! There’s smoke in the shower!”

Turns out, my child just discovered a luxurious hot shower with steam.

— eli 🕯✨ (@nienna121) November 4, 2026

Every morning, my children are required to put on underpants. Somehow, every morning this takes them by surprise.

— Emily Zanotti 🦝 (@emzanotti) November 5, 2026

no one prepares you as a parent for when your toddler pours bubble solution on your 8 month old’s head and he cries so hard bubbles come out of his mouth while you wash him in the sink

— soggy broccoli (@soggybrocoli) November 1, 2026

remembering the time when I picked up my son after school and said "get in loser, we're going shopping" but he didn't know the reference so just thought I called him a loser for no reason

— lisatomic (@lisatomic5) November 4, 2026

Asked my kids if they liked to play or scheme and plot. 4 year old said "I like to play" but 2 year old, with absolutely zero hesitation said "sheem and pwot"

— steve (@trundle_gently) November 3, 2026

Just watched my toddler pull a string cheese out of her pocket and realized I could learn a thing or two about being prepared.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 3, 2026

Kid woke up and asked if we could have a party with balloons before school. Baby Texas is blue we can bake a cake too

— Vuas (@TheVuasLog) November 4, 2026

I don’t secretly steal my kids’ Halloween candy. I eat it right in front of them while maintaining eye contact. Total power move.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 1, 2026

My kid told me that black cats have been considered bad luck for a really long time like probably “since the ‘90s" and I'm going to need a few minutes to process that

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 2, 2026

I don't have to worry about my kids TP'ing houses on Halloween because apparently none of them know where the spare rolls are.

— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) October 31, 2026

You literally never know what’s going to piss a toddler off😭

— 𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ (@muheediva01) November 3, 2026