The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My daughter described her foot falling asleep as “there is seltzer in my feet”

— Jasmine (@bustanutkeaton) October 24, 2026

Please don’t put Almond Joys in my kids Halloween bucket…. I don’t eat those

— SciPi (@SciPiHarvey) October 26, 2026

Me: *trying to merge on the highway*

My kid: is every person's phone number in pi at some point?

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 25, 2026

3yo said "I amn't" instead of "I'm not". I love this age where kids are recognizing grammatical patterns and applying them more consistently than the English language actually allows.

— Catherine, Constantly 🕯 (@ConstantCate) October 28, 2026

As someone who took choline with both children I am glad I did because just as I read this my 2yo ran head first into the dining table, imagine if I hadn't taken any https://t.co/rkjMAr0Egf

— æsc ᛉ 🎃 (@mothertopixies) October 24, 2026

someone offered my 3yo a piece of candy and he was like "oh, i need to eat some real food first, my mom says if i eat sweets without eating real food i might get a tummy ache"

am i.... a better parent than anyone ever?

— lia (@tallsnail) October 24, 2026

I discovered that my son didn’t brush his teeth for A WEEK because his toothbrush was in his bag he took to a sleepover.

These teenage years are going to be the end of me.

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 25, 2026

My 3yo has been walking around saying
'let's play bitch' over and over, and I was starting to feel some type of way about it until I realized she was saying 'let's play fetch!’

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 27, 2026

For Halloween I’m dressing up as the FAFSA form.

— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) October 25, 2026