Several years ago, I went to my dentist for a checkup. Things turned ugly quickly as he informed me that my gums were decaying and disappearing, probably because I’m so stressed that I constantly grind my teeth. His advice led to not one but two root canals before finally having surgeons cut a piece of healthy gum to stitch into where the rot was.
I bring this up now not for the sympathy it might engender (although please note I’m quite open to sympathy). No, I have been reminiscing about my oral surgery because it’s a great metaphor for America’s deciding Donald Trump was the best choice for Leader Of the Free World. And before all Trump enthusiasts accuse me again of being just another whiny “lib-tard” (a term that sounds more like an article of medieval clothing than a political insult), please read the rest of this and then you can overreact.
I do think the idea that something once sturdy is rotting from the inside is a perfect description of our country as well as my mouth. I think everyone can at the very least agree with that. However – and this is where I hope both Trump people and Trump haters listen – the way I coped with my bad gum experience can also be a metaphor for how to deal with what lies ahead for all of us.
First I got some unexpected news. Then I worried about the misery in my future. And finally, I realized that the pain was inevitable. Complaining about it might make take some of the angst away but the more practical approach was to suck it up and endure until I could eat solid food again. This is also how we need to approach our personal politics now. We have to realize we’re all heading for some real pain so accept it and find a way to turn it around.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m still bothered by Trump’s flirting with white nationalists and anti-immigrant zealots as if he’s a teenage boy trying to get someone to buy him beer. However, he wasn’t elected because he’s a racist. He was elected despite being a racist. I’ll probably lose a few Facebook friends by saying that given how paralyzed and powerless many of us are feeling. It’s natural to lash out when agitated, just like, say, snakes. Oh, and our president-elect do. Still, the game’s over. He won. The only way to survive whatever’s coming is to try understanding the other side of every argument. You don’t have to like it. Just understand it. Then you can deal with it rationally instead of emotionally.
Certainly there are deplorables that Trump courted rather than ignored, just as there were Bernie Bros whose inability to accept reality annoyed nearly everyone. However, aren’t we supposed to be defined by the mainstream and not by the fringes? (Please bear this in mind, Congress, when you eventually realize that most Americans support some form of gun registration and a woman’s right to choose.)
I cling to my naïve faith that there is a positive attitude out there if only we’d listen to what everyone has to say and chart a course from there. We are not a land of Democrats and Republicans. We aren’t liberals or conservatives. We aren’t bigots and bleeding hearts. We’re mostly just people hoping for a break. I know this because I drove 10,000 miles across the country before the election to find Americans who haven’t lost faith in the system.
The end result of that trip was my book The Can’t-idates: Running For President When Nobody Knows Your Name, which tells the story of 15 “real” people who ran for president in 2016. This ncluded everyone from the Hell’s Angel in Idaho to the struggling single mom in Arkansas to the unemployed autoworker in Michigan to the failed law student/would-be rapper in Las Vegas. They’re (mostly) aware they probably won’t capture a single vote. They know they’ll lose friends. They accept that whatever money they have will disappear. And yet, they take on this fool’s errand anyway.
These were all very different people but they had one thing in common. They believed in speaking their minds to prove we’re all in this together. It’s easy to see these folks as tin foil hat wearing loonies who don’t understand how politics really works. However, I see them as well-intentioned if somewhat misguided optimists. Given how the election turned out, I feel like we could use more involved citizens with a hopeful outlook.
The current pundit stereotype is that old white unemployed disenfranchised men put Trump over the top. As an old white unemployed disenfranchised fellow myself, I should probably be wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat while visiting the local gun range. Because, Lord knows, the deck has been stacked against us older white males forever. I really could use a job and…you know…actual income. While I didn’t vote for Trump, I do have a vested interest in his promise to create more meaningful jobs. If he succeeds, my quality of life skyrockets. If only I could be sure he’s serious, especially given that he’s a man whose popularity comes from firing people on national TV rather than hiring them.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but I also am holding onto my doubt just in case. At the end of the day – or end of times, depending on your level of anxiety – I like to think that the vast majority of us are all ultimately after the same thing. We want to live our lives as we see fit, and to hopefully do that with a minimum of illnesses, personal debt and Adam Sandler movies. The only thing up for debate is how exactly to go about that.
Luckily, I have a suggestion. Try not to buy into the media’s polarizing propensity for interviewing only overweight, rude t-shirt wearing, intellect-challenged Trump supporters and handwringing, mom-jean wearing, self-important liberals. Believing they are all that’s out there makes as much sense as believing Ben & Jerry’s only offers chocolate and vanilla. Clearly, that approach hasn’t helped us solve anything. In fact, that’s how we got ourselves into this tense situation in the first place.
Instead, I suggest following the advice of a true American hero, Dalton from the classic film Road House. While training his young crew of bar bouncers, he explains his operating philosophy thusly: “Be nice. Until it’s time to not be nice.” In other words, even respect that guy who called you a “lib-tard” on social media. Listen to the guy who insists he’s moving to Canada now. We owe each other at least that. And if someone then gets more vitriolic, do remember that Dalton ended up ripping the throat out of his arch enemy.