We're Americans, and when an afternoon sugar craving strikes, we have a gaggle of candy bars to choose from. Sometimes, when our blood sugar is low we make terrible choices. This has led us to tasting most of the candy bars currently for sale in America, and some of them -- quite frankly -- are better than others.
These are the best candy bars, ranked in order. These are all candy bars that a popular and sold in America. Do not recommend a Crunchie bar or a Flake bar or a Yorkie bar to me. They are delicious, but have no place here. Come on this journey through peanuts, coconut, nougat, caramel and (of course) chocolate, and see how your favorite candy bar stacks up.
25.
Zero
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
UGH. White chocolate? Zero is right.
24.
Mr. Goodbar
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
Let's take a perfectly good Hershey Bar and shove a bunch of peanuts into it.
23.
Charleston Chew
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
If you like chocolate-coated rubber.
22.
Hershey Bar
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
Standard, classic, terribly boring.
21.
Mars Bar
Wikimedia/sannse
Eh?
20.
5th Avenue
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
Seriously, without Googling it -- can you remember what this chocolate bar tastes like? Didn't think so.
19.
Oh, Henry!
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
Oh, chewy caramel overload.
18.
Take 5
Wikimedia/Evan-Amos
This has everything in it. And sometimes less is more.
17.
Pay Day
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
"We accidentally dropped this caramel fudge in some peanuts, so let's sell it and pretend it was on purpose."
16.
Baby Ruth
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
"We accidentally dropped our Pay Day in this chocolate, so let's sell it and pretend it was on purpose."
15.
Mounds
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
Always feel like a nut, guys.
14.
Whatchamacallit
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
This candy bar has a ridiculous, un-spellable name, but it is freaking delicious.
13.
Krackel
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
The best of the fun sizes.
12.
Almond Joy
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
ALWAYS, ALWAYS FEEL LIKE A NUT.
11.
Kit Kat
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
These would have ranked better, if not for the disgusting commercials they insist on airing where people mouth-crunch the tune of the Kit Kat jingle.
10.
Heath/Skor
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
Guess what -- they're the same, calm down.
9.
100 Grand
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
This candy bar is so good it's basically a full meal.
8.
Nestlé Crunch
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
Exactly as advertised.
7.
Snickers
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
We'll eat whatever Betty White sells us, okay.
6.
Butterfinger
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
There is really nothing else on earth like a Butterfinger.
5.
Twix
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
The reason that there are two Twix per package is because immediately after finishing one, you NEED another instantaneously.
4.
Sky Bar
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
If you have never had a Sky Bar, you need to seriously re-evaluate your life choices. IT'S FOUR CANDY BARS IN ONE.
3.
3 Musketeers
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
What's that? You wrapped a chocolate cloud in chocolate? And I can buy it for $1.00?
2.
Caramello
Amazon
This candy bar is nothing short of a miracle. Decent chocolate, perfectly flowing caramel, always a mess, always delicious. It was almost #1.
1.
Milky Way
Wikimedia/Evan-amos
If a 3 Musketeers bar and a Caramello had a baby, it would be a Milky Way. And then we would eat that baby. Sorry. That got weird.