Life sentences for Tim Bosma's killers offer a new freedom for Sharlene Bosma

"Guilty."And then another "guilty."Cheers and applause. A release of tension and tears three years coming.

After five days of jury deliberations and a four-and-a-half-monthtrial, Dellen Millard and Mark Smich were both found guilty on Friday of first degree murder in the slaying of Tim Bosma.

• SharleneBosmainterview: On the trial and telling her daughter why daddy can't come back
• Watch the CBCinterview here

Most of us will never know who Sharlene Bosma was before May 6, 2013, when her husband Tim disappeared.

But she is determined you'll know the kind of person she will be after the verdicts now that she never has to step inside courtroom 600 at the Hamilton courthouse again.

Sharlene Bosma on daughters sibling wish

8 years ago

Duration 1:26

Tim Bosmas widow talks about some of her daughters struggles

That much was clear when I sat down with her on Saturday for an interview to reflect on what had just transpired and the journey ahead.

So much had changed since we had our first conversation almost three years ago, when she'd only just started the process and still had no idea what had happened after Tim got in his truck that May night.

First impressions

Being allowed into anyone's home is a privilege.

But what do you call it when the person letting you in just found out her husband wasn't ever coming home?

Sharlene Bosma first allowed me to sit across from her in August 2013 in the house she and Tim built.

A few hours before we met at her home, she sat in a Hamilton courtroom for the first time, to face one of the two men now convicted of killing the man she loved.

I was one of a few others in the courtroom that August day, seated behind Sharlene.

She was calm on the surface, a tissue in hand and her brother at her side the beginnings of "the Bosma Army,"her family and supporters who filled the courtroom every day of the five-month trial.

Millard stepped into the prisoner's box and Sharlene started to shake violently, barely able to contain her rage.

I will never forget it.

A couple of hours later, she let us into her living room.

She was tall and imposing, her anger and pain emanating from every pore.

Asking questions in these situations is what we do as journalists, but this time it wasmore daunting for me than ever. Even though she invited us in that August day almost three years ago, she had every reason to despise anything and everything certainly another stranger in her home.

And yet she wasreal and free with her emotions guarded, but a no BS kind of lady.

'I was proud of him'

On June 17, 2016, she was shaking again in the courtroom as she heard "guilty"from the jury. Only this time, it was with joy and a complex jumble of emotions, she tells me.

When we meet again on Saturday, the day before Father's Day, she still keeps a tissue handy, just in case.

This time, she can hardly suppress her wide smile.

• Wayward Son: The making of the men who killed TimBosma
• Millard andSmichguilty of 1st-degree murder

In the interview, Sharlene laughs. A lot. And talks about something she says she hasn't really mentioned much before.

"He was funny. He was cute. That's one thing I haven't really said a whole lot about, but Tim was hot,"she says.

"Like if you looked at his picture, my husband was good looking. I was very proud of him. I haven't really talked about that, but yeah. I always thought Tim was. I remember his picture on eHarmony, I was like, 'Oh hello you, we are going to talk!'"

Sharlene Bosma on meeting her husband, Tim

8 years ago

Duration 0:34

"He was funny. He was cute. That's one thing I haven't really said a whole lot about..."

New Father's Day traditions

"Guilty" doesn't change her daily realities and raising a curious five-year-old who looks just like her dad and acts just like her mom.

Or stop her daughter from asking, 'Is God done with Daddy yet?'

Or asking if she can have a little sister.

Sharlene wonders if it is weird that she still talks to her husband.

Or if it is weird that Father's Day traditions now include a picnic with her daughter, who dances and plays around her dad's grave and tells him all about her teachers and what she's doing at school.

Sharlene will never have her Tim back. But she's free in a way she hasn't been in three years.

She cannot and will not offer forgiveness what was done to her husband, but she also refuses to fade into darkness.

"There's living and there's living well. And I choose to live well. I choose to live happy."