'Dear Me': Martensville widow's letter-writing helps her find a path through grief

Grief does not follow stages.It ebbs and flows, and is a unique experience for all those who suffer loss.

"Dear me, you had no idea that heartache could be such a literal thing, did you? Sometimes the pain is so intense it takes your breath away."

These are the opening lines in a letter that a Martensville, Sask., woman wrote to herself after her husband of 30 years died.

"For the first year, I didn't know if I was going to survive," Dianne Young said in an interview with CBC Radio's Saskatoon Morning.

Young is now working on a book she plans to callDear Me: The Widow Letters.

No solace found in books on grieving

It is somewhat ironic that Young is now composing a book on grief, because on her own journey, she said, many of the books she turned to to ease her suffering were not helpful.

"I rarely throw books in the garbage but this one, I did," she said of one.

"One of [the] suggestions was you need to get rid of your husband's things as soon as possible. I thought, 'How dare you tell me not to dwell on my husband's death.'"

Recognizing that coping with grief is such a personal process, one that doesn't follow the experiences outlined in books,Young sat down and crafted a letter addressed to herself, one filled with "words of comfort, words of advice, and words of warning."

Inviting letters

That letter proved to be cathartic for Young and now she desires to share that healing through a compilation of letters written by widows to themselves.

Young is inviting women who have been widowedat least a year to share lettersthey would have addressedto their newly-widowed selves. Young says anyone interested in the project can contact herby emailor visit her website.

So far, she hasspoken to about 12 widows and hasreceived twoletters. She is hoping to self-publish a book a year from now.