Dear 18-year-old me: Be your authentic self, be kind to that self, and don't be afraid to grow

This piece was originally published on June 18, 2019.

Dear Daniel,

It is now the year 2019, and while the world hasn't fallen into robot anarchy like we predicted, there is a thing called the Instagram algorithm, so I think it's safe to say that the fight has begun.

Where you sit in 2005, things are on the cusp of change. The safe world you live in is about be uprooted. Your little bit of high school life is about to be broken open and a world greater than the life you've ever known is about to be at your fingertips.

This time of year makes me nostalgic for the time you are living in, for the simplicity of your life, and for the precipice that you stand on.

But it also makes me sad. Because I remember how sad you are. How it felt the first few seasons of your life focused on family and friends and high school. How it's always been an ensemble of characters that you know and love but now things are changing. You're being spun off to a show of your own: Daniel The College Years.

You're not sure you'll like it as much as the original, and you're scared your character won't be the same.

It won't.

And it shouldn't.

That's my first piece of advice: don't be afraid to grow. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and try new things.

Experience, as you will come to learn, trumps your expectations. Even if you are right about not liking something, it is better to have done and hated it than never to have done anything at all.

Try to be less afraid. Why were you so scared? Of failure? You'll be forgiven when you are 18 for screwing up.

I encourage you to learn that failure isn't the end of the world, because you are going to fail and when you do it will be traumatic and hard and take you far too long to get over. But failing smaller, with spectacular flourish and wild abandon will probably improve your recovery time when it comes to the big stuff.

Next, my little self, is to be kind to us. Don't beat yourself up. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Stop self-sabotaging when things are too easy, because you don't trust it. Accept the good and disregard the bad.

As you grow older, you'll find that people are harder on others than they are on themselves, and you shouldn't take it personally. What they think of you, really, is none of your business. It's a hard mentality to accept, but it's one that will be nice to start wrapping our head around early.

Speaking of public opinion, just because you shouldn't care what people think doesn't mean you shouldn't present your truest, most authentic self. This means being open and honest and proud of who you are.

In fact, the world is going to demand it, and the longer you try to fight this, the rocks life throws at you will get bigger and harder as it attempts to crack you open.

I can picture your reaction to reading this. The sweat forming on your upper lip, the anxiety that is growing in your chest. Yes, I'm talking about coming out.

Sharing that hard-harboured secret will take a little time. It will involve a lot of uncomfortable situations and conversations. But those moments will seem small and insignificant compared to how free you'll feel when you are comfortable in your own skin.

When you are ready for a relationship (and maybe if I had known this when I was 18, I would be ready for one now), look for someone who is available to you. You'll be a hopeless romantic, but there is no sense in getting caught up in the idea of unrequited love.

Look for someone who notices you and just because they are interested, don't be a Groucho Marx about it, that is, not wanting to belong to any club that would have you as a member. Knowing this could have saved me a lot of sleepless nights.

Try to enjoy yourself as much as possible. Life is truly about the journey and not the destination.

Love,
Daniel

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