My ancestors' First Nations culture was stripped away.I want to work to bring it back

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Some people think that all First Nations people take part in cultural activities like drumming, pow wows, sweatsand ceremonies, but I didn't witness or experience any of that as a child or teen.

I had to search for my culture on my own as an adult.

I was born inLa Ronge, a small town that borders a reserve in northern Saskatchewan.

My family was made up of trappers and hunters and spoke fluent Cree, but they didn't know about their culture. They could live off of the land, but they didn't know about their ancestor's spiritual connection to the land.

WATCH|Julianna Maggrah talks about how she finally connected with her Indigenous culture:

Julianna Maggrah talks about how she finally connected with her Indigenous culture as an adult

10 months ago

Duration 5:21

Growing up near La Ronge, Sask., Julianna Maggrah didnt feel connected to her culture. Her grandparents were trappers, but they didnt take part in any cultural events or ceremonies. As she got older, Maggrah was determined to find that cultural connection, and share it with others. In this video for the CBC Creator Network, Maggrah takes viewers on her journey to find meaning in her past, and shape her future.

Before the age of 30, I had never smudged, set foot into a powwow, picked medicine or picked up a drum.

I didn't know what it meant to be Indigenous. All I knew was that I had some internalized shame about who I was that I wanted to let go of.

I learned that a lot of people felt that shame,including my friend Meagan Nolan, who was born and raised in an urban setting in Saskatoon, and felt an undercurrent of racism.

Meagan's mother went to school in a convent and was classified as "Eurasian", but she was actually from a Mtis settlement near Willow Bunch, Sask.

Still, she would never talk about it. Meagan's sister never wanted to admit they were Indigenous or Mtis either.Instead, she clung to the Eurasian title. Meagan learned not to ask her mother about her heritage.

For many Indigenous people, that shame about who they were came from the Catholic-run residential schools, which aimed to erase Indigenous identity. My friend Cathy Wheaton-Bird can attest to that.

Cathy said that even though her parents and grandparents didn't attend residential schools, the church was present and aggressive in their communities.

She said the church's influence caused people to internalize negative beliefs about themselves.

As I got older, I wanted to hear about my people's history and traditions things I would learn were illegal for a long time, such as powwows, dancingand other types of ceremonies.

I grew up experiencing the effects of a generational trauma, which left me feeling empty and with mental health issues. I struggled on my own until I found a knowledge keeper that taught me and others what they knew about Indigenous culture.

I picked medicineand learned about the connection people had to the land. I went to ceremonyand learned about the spiritual aspect of my ancestors. I joined a drum group and learned about the drum.

As I began to practise these things regularly, and learned about the Indigenous worldview, I felt a sense of connection that I had been sorely missing.

I felt like I was around people that I fit in with, and actually began to feel peace.

My drum group was invited to sing a few songs during Culture Days in La Ronge recently. I was quite proud that a group of two spirit people and women would be drumming in a town where I had felt deep shame about my identity as a kid.

The drum emulates the sound of a heartbeat. The vibrations of the beat and the voices bring healing. They are medicine.

Culture was stripped away from my people.I want to bring it back.

Saskatchewan Weekend13:21'My ancestors' First Nations culture was stripped away. I want to work to bring it back'

Julianna Maggrah has been on a personal quest to connect with Indigenous spirituality. They grew up in a family of fluent Cree speakers, but Julianna was 30 years old before she ever attended a powwow, smudged, or picked medicine. Now she helps other young people connect with culture and wash away shame. Julianna created a mini-documentary for CBC's Creator Network. They join host Shauna Powers.