Coming in: A Sask. filmmaker's two-spirit journey

This story originally published on June 21, 2022.

Growing up in northern Saskatchewan, Julianna Maggrah (she/they) always felt something was off when it came to who she wasand how she felt.

Maggrah, a storyteller, filmmaker and member of the Lac La Ronge Indian Band, was raised both on the reserve in La Ronge and in Prince Albert, Sask.

Maggrah says she never felt accepted on the reserve because she looked "too white."

But in the city, she felt like she looked too boyish. She also felt uncomfortable in her bodyand thought maybe she was supposed to be born a boy.

This video was produced by Julianna Maggrah, a Prince Albert based storyteller and filmmaker, in collaboration with CBC's Creator Network. Maggrah is also a participant of CBC'sNew Indigenous Voicesfor2022.

Coming in: My two-spirit Journey

2 years ago

Duration 5:02

Creator Julianna Maggrah recounts her two-spirit journey growing up in Northern Saskatchewan.Video credit: Film by Julianna Maggrah, for CBC Creator Network

As a teenager, Maggrah realized she was attracted to both women and men. She says she was worried people would think she was gay and that she would be ostracized by her peers for being even more different.

"I felt some internalized shame," she said. "I think I may have had some internalized homophobia and misogyny."

As the years went on, Maggrahtried to figure out where she fit in. She wondered if she wasbisexual, pansexual, transgender, non-binary, androgynousor gender fluid, but none of those descriptions felt right for her.

Then, about two years ago, Maggrah starting learning about what it meant to be two-spirit. Two-Spirit Elder Marjorie Beaucagesaystwo-spirit people have a unique power.

"You're standing in the middle to balance the circle, to balance the masculine and feminine circles," Beaucage said. "And when things are out of whack, that was our job to balance and make it right."

Beaucagesays two-spirit people often help others deal with conflictand can helpin different areas in a community, such as medicine or song, depending on their individual gifts.

"If our gifts aren't acknowledged, then our people can't heal," she said.

Maggrahfound acceptance in a drumming group, as a member ofthe Spirit Strong Singers in Prince Albert.

She says it's a place where she can make music and be with others, some of whom are also two-spirit.

Maggrahsays learning about the history of two-spirit people, and how important they were to their tribesand in ceremonies, gave her a new perspective.

They have both masculine and feminine energy, and arefree of gender and sexuality norms.These days, she feels safe letting down her guard, lovingherselfand sending compassion toothers.

"I began to feel proud," she said. "I am a gift."