How to get over your money shame

MainstreetP.E.I. frugal columnist Liz MacKay had money-shame but for a long time didn't realize what it was, which made it difficult to deal with.

"I hadn't really heard of the actual term itself, but I had it," said MacKay.

"We'd be talking about debt we had to pay down and I would just get so sick I would run to the bathroom. I'd be like, 'I just can't talk about this anymore.'"

She came to understand money-shame better when she came across a blog about it by financial therapist Bari Tessler. Tessler describes how common money-shame is, and said she has even encountered it in people earning a million dollars a year.

"She said everybody had it, and I was so happy to learn that I wasn't alone," said MacKay.

Debt is an issue that many Canadians are dealing with. A decade of low interest rates has led many Canadians to borrow heavily, and put them in a precarious position as interest rates start to rise.

MacKay learned that the first step in dealing with money-shame is accepting it, to stopthinking that there may be some time in the future when you're making more money or the kids leave home when your money problems will go away.

Money-shame at its root, she said, is about not understanding money. Having more of it won't help you.

"It's one of those taboo subjects that hasn't been talked about at home and it hasn't really been taught at school," she said.

The answer, MacKay said, is to improve your relationship with money, and the way to do that is to talk about it.

Getting on the right path

It wasn't easy for MacKay. She would give herself pep talks in the mirror before financial meetings, and eventually, through having regular budgeting meetings, money became less scary.

"That was actually the first step, was starting to have more meetings," she said.

"It was a really big help for me to know that I was on the right path, that we were making our steps forward."

While the pep talks helped MacKay, she said others need to do more. Some people will put a time limit on the meetings, and make a point of not talking about money outside those prescribed times.

But the key thing she said, whether you deal with it on your own or seek professional advice, is to start dealing with it now.

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With files from Angela Walker