Student grieving may vary after death of young P.E.I. athlete, says counsellor

Parents and teachers should expect a wide range of emotions and behaviours as young people navigate the grieving process, says a counselling consultant with P.E.I.'s Public Schools Branch.

Counselling consultants were at all Island schools on Monday following the death of Brodie McCarthy. The Montague Regional High School student died Sunday after suffering a head injury during a rugby tournament Friday in Summerside.

Many students in Montague were in tears when school reopened on Monday.

"The big thing in the initial stage is offering a safe place for students to collect and staff members to share their emotion share their stories and concerns," said Murray MacInnis, a counselling consultant with the Public Schools Branch.

'Acceptance and leeway'

He advised teachers to be prepared for different types of grieving behaviour, especially among younger students.

"Some of the behaviours they see in front of them may seem perhaps mischievous or disruptive but it may be that individual's attempt to express themselves. And so we have some acceptance and leeway around dealing with that."

MacInnis cautions that older students may try to ease their pain through alcohol or drugs.

"There may be a tendency for certain teenagers to only grieve when they are out with their friends and may involve substance use or alcohol and we want them to know that while that may happen at times, that can't be the sole way of dealing with the emotion," he said.

"That in fact in those times they may not truly be processing the emotion and they may not even recall some of those conversations and shared experiences with their friends."

Clear, concrete language

He said counsellors try to use clear, concrete language when helping students process the meaning of death.

"We use words like die and death rather than passed away or more metaphorical terms," he said.

MacInnis advises parents to listen to their children and share in their grief, but balance the urge to be overprotective.

"We don't want to instill fear in young people that taking part in certain everyday activities could be dangerous, that in fact occurrences such as tragic deaths are actually very rare and that most times children need to go out and experience life."

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