16 vintage N.B. newspaper ads you'd never see today

The ad pages in New Brunswick's old-timey newspapers offer weird glimpses into the province's past: quack medical cures, now-defunct businesses, Victorian fashions and strange job postings.

Some of the ads are funny, others just plain disturbing. Many illustratehow much haschanged over the province's 234-year history, and how muchhas stayed surprisinglythe same.

Here are 16 ads from across New Brunswickthat wouldn't run today.

1. Inter-city sloop

If you've taken theinter-city bus between Saint John and Fredericton, you might envy the river cruise advertised in the 1814 Saint John City Gazette. No killing time at theNeedsin Oromocto when you hitch a ride in style on the sloop Nelson although we're willing to bet there was no onboard Wi-Fi.

2. Gothtires

Think the scare tactics inmodern adsareintense? Check out this Megadeth-worthy ad for Goodyear Tires from the May 4, 1933,Moncton Daily Times. Not one, but two skeletons (one wearing a flowing, Halloween-y cape) drive home the point that "death lurks in the path" of your old, threadbare tires. Spooky.

3. Lady mortician

A couple of weird things are happening in this section of the Jan. 20, 1905,St. John Star. There's the child getting forcibly dosed with Ayer's Cherry Pectoral, a patent medicine supposed to cure "asthma, croup, bronchitis, whooping cough and consumption," according to the ads of the day.

Then there'sthe "lady mortician" working "day and night" at the funeral parlour of N.W. Brenan, one of the first professional embalmers in the Maritimes, whose name in the Saint John funeral industry continues to this day atBrenan's Funeral Home and Crematorium.

4. Iconic hangouts

The River Room waslegendary in Fredericton: a pub and restaurant haunted by students, writers, Richard Hatfield-era politicos, and musicians unwinding after gigs at the Fredericton Playhouse.

In the summer of 1971, when this ad ran in the Daily Gleaner, the most expensive item for the "business men and business women's lunch" was $1.50 (and you needed a tie and jacket to get in.) Now renamed the James Joyce Pub, the views of the river from this classic watering hole remain the same.

5. Cure for what ails you

Are you one of the many women "dragging themselves through the day suffering tortures of lame back due to kidney trouble?" Get some gin pills into you, advises this May 28, 1914, ad from the Campbellton Graphic.

6. After the fire

On June 20, 1877, the Great Fire of 1877 destroyed most of the urban core of Saint John, or St. John as it was then.

Lost and found classifieds from the July 9, 1877,St. John Daily Telegraph illustrate thechaos that reigned as Saint Johnersescaped from the fire.

Note the guy who lost all his underclothing and the ad from Andre Cushing,missing "a lot of papers tied up in an old overcoat."

7. Sweet wheels

Celebrate "glorious summer" with a spin in a 1914 Studebaker, which had hickory wheels with demountable rims.

The Lounsbury Company, which posted this April 1914 ad in the Campbellton Graphic, still operates furniture and appliance stores and car dealerships across the province.

8. Old-time tourism

A retro ad for an even-more-retro tourist attraction.

In August1971, when this ad for Kings Landing ran in the Daily Gleaner, the historical settlement was still under construction as crews reassembled 19th-centuryhomes transported along the St. John River from Mactaquac. The official opening of Kings Landing took place three years later in 1974.

9. Classic movies

Moncton Daily Times ads formoviesplaying at local cinemas in the winter of 1933. The Empress Theatre, built in 1908, shared an entrance withthe Capitol Theatre, built in 1922, on Main Street. The Capitol was restored in the 1990s and now hosts live music and theatre performances.

10. A shot at sobriety

A cure-all for "drunkenness, morphine, and tobacco use" advertised in the St. John Daily Record on Jan. 1, 1895. Some so-called "dipsocura" advertised in this periodincluded injections of bichlorideof gold, as well asother tonics that could include strychnine, willow bark and ammonia.

11. Daring 'dos

Forget dry shampoo. The Zellers wig boutique, advertised in the Daily Gleaner on Aug. 11, 1971, offered the ultimate low-maintenance style solution.

12. High-flying adventure

A 1942 ad in theSt.CroixCourierrecruiting Charlotte County womento enlist as clerk stenographers, airwomen, and airwomen photographers in the Second World War. Just a few months earlier, thousands of troops from the Second Canadian Division had been killed in the Dieppe Raid on the coast of occupied France.

13. Controversial couture

"We were told long ago that milady's styles were going masculine, but we never dreamed just how far they would go," gaspsthis ad for women's trousers in the January 1933 Moncton Daily Times. "So be careful, men. Look twice before you smack a fellow on the back the 'fellow' might be a lady."

14. Local flavour

Yum. "Fish balls," advertised in the Jan. 1, 1895,St. John Daily Recordbeside an ad for Thomas Dean's butcher shop, which still operates in the Saint John City Market.

15. Hometown pride

"New Brunswick did it before New Brunswick can do it again!" An ad for New BrunswickVictory Loans from the Oct. 20, 1942 St. Croix Courier.

16. Futuristic fuel

The year 1960 was a big onein the industrial history of Saint John: the Irving Oil Refinery, now the largest of its kind in Canada, wasbuilt that year as a partnership betweenIrving OilandStandard Oil. In this July 1960 ad in the MonctonDaily Times, Irving advertised"Go Power"gasoline from "Canada's Most Modern Refinery."