Moncton lawyer wants to start conversation about sexual consent

Moncton defence lawyer Alison Menard is sharing herpersonal story of being allegedlysexually assaulted as a teenin hopes of spurring a conversation about sexual consent.

In a personal essay Menard says 30 years after she was sexually assaulted at a party, she doesn't believe anything has changed.

• Sexual consent conversation has to change says Moncton lawyer

"I think people throw their hands up and say do we have to talk about this againwhy are we still still talking about this," she said as part of a documentary on CBC Radio'sAtlantic Voice.

"And then on the other hand we often have these conversations and treat these things like they're isolated incidents and really, they're not isolated incidents. They say alot about how we interact as genders in the community with each other, they say a lot about our expectations of males versus females."

Menard says she was moved to write her essay after following the case of Rehtaeh Parsons.

I didn't have to see a horrific shameful repeat of what had happened to me in a complete drunken blackout but I also didn't have tangible proof of who had done this to me.- Alison Menard

Parsons's family allegesshe was sexually assaulted in November 2011, when she was 15, and bullied for months after a digital photo of the incident was passed around her school.

"I was very saddened by the aftermath...of what happened to Rehtaeh Parsons and how it worked its way through the judicial system. And so it just sort of stirred up a bunch of things for me and I felt like I totally understood what happened to her and so many other people in the same circumstances," Menard said.

Jenn Gorham of the Fredericton Sexual Assault Crisis Centre says it is important for people like Menard to come forward with their stories because sexual violence is still a subject that is incredibly taboo.

"I would have no problem coming in here today at the top of our story and saying, 'Oh my gosh, you know my house burnt down this weekend or I had a terrible car accident'... these are not things that are attached to shame and we don't feel embarrassed to talk about them but we do feel that shame and embarrassment or self-blame to talk about sexual violence," Gorham said.

"So normalizing those discussions whenever we can and acknowledging that this is something that does happen to people and that they need support and they need a space and time to talk about these things."

'We actually have to have conversations'

In her essay,Menard tells her story of going to a house party at the age of 14 and drinking until she had blacked out.

She alleges she was in and out of consciousnessover a period of several hours, and during that time was sexually assaulted by several boys.

"It is entirely possible that someone in my presence thought I was playing along, at least for parts of it," Menard writes in her essay.

"It is why I feel I understand what happened to Rehtaeh Parsons and that Jane Doe in Steubenville, Ohio and those other girls here and there... all of whom had their sexual, emotional, psychological and physical integrity violated by male friends or acquaintances after over-consumption at a party, while other people watched and hooted or took pictures and captured smart phone videos."

Gorham says the "rape culture" that exists in society sends the message that sexual violence is a "foregone conclusion."

She agrees with Menard that people have to start having openconversations about what consent is, something she encourages when she speaks with students.

"This is where I always get so fascinated around this issue is there's such a disconnect there cause I'll have kids say to me, 'Oh my gosh, awkward.' And I'm like, 'Awkward? You're about to engage in an incredibly intimate act with this other person, you know whether you're nude or not body parts are touching in intimate manner yet you feel having a quick conversation around consent isawkward?'"

Menardsays her own experience was a traumatic one that left her suicidal, and she can't imagine what it is like now for young women going through the same thing in the age of social media.

"I didn't have to see a horrific shameful repeat of what had happened to me in a complete drunken blackout but I also didn't have tangible proof of who had done this to me," she writes.

"At least with the photos the perpetrators and their friends take nowadays you can tell who participated and make them accountable for theiractions and use it as a teachable moment for everyone else.Except we don't even do that. And that makes my middle-aged heart hurt."