Former Lac-Mgantic fire chief opens up about his struggles with PTSD

DenisLauzonremembers exactly where he wasJuly 6, 2013, when the train derailed and slammed into downtown Lac-Mgantic

It wasjustafter 1 a.m., and he was at home, asleep in bed.

When he got the call, Lauzon who was the town's fire chief at the time thought that an airplane had crashed.

"It's only when I came out of the house that I realized the size of the fire. It was a wall of flame with dark smoke. Even [though] it was dark outside and it was dark smoke, we could see it," he told CBC's Daybreakearlier this week.

Lauzon had been working as a firefighter since 1984, and he knew immediately his team didn't have the equipment or resources to fight the fire alone.

He called in for reinforcements from Victoriaville and Sherbrooke, both about 100 kilometres away. People came to help from as far as the U.S.

He said the fire was unlike anything the town of not-quite 6,000 residents had ever seen before. Lauzon described glass exploding from buildings, "like in the movies."

Looking back five years after the fact, Lauzonstill feels a rush of emotion.

• 5 years after Lac-Mgantic tragedy, residents still waiting to feel safe

"Everything goes through my mind, of people I knew that died in that incident. Remembering people calling me and asking me if their kids...if I saw their son. Or a young kid passing me, asking if I saw his parents," he said.

"Everything's coming back every year."

'Talking is healing'

After the fire that claimed 47 lives, Lauzon stopped working for 10 months.

He says he was suffering from post-traumatic stressdisorder (PTSD) and that he knew many other first responders who were in the same position.

"Normally when you're a man, you're supposed to be strong. You're not supposed to cry or whatever. You're showing your weakness. So PTSD needs to be talked about to all the generations to make sure that when something happens, we talk about it. We don't keep it to yourself."

Even now, Lauzonsays it's triggering to see fireworks, since the sound of the explosion brings him back to that night.

He's since moved to Laval, to be closer to family, and works as the assistantchief at l'Institut de protection contre les incendies du Qubec.

He helps trainfuture firefighters and people who handle flammable materials for a living.

Lauzonreturned toLac-Mganticon Fridayto mark the five-year anniversary and visit friends.

Hesaid in the years since the derailment, he's begun to heal and recover, talking openly about his experience and encouraging others to do the same.

"Talking is healing for me," he said. But there isn't a day that goes by when he doesn't think about what happened.