Dear Diary: I bought a bidet out of spite. I'm never going back

CBCCalgarywants to knowhow you are living these days. What are you doing differently? What makes you laugh? Cry? Scream? Have you started a new hobby? Let us know.

In thisinstalment of our series, Dear Diary: In a Time of COVID-19, Sarah Miller tells us how running out of toilet paper led her to a decision that she says changed her life. This submission has been edited for clarity and length.

When all of you panic-purchasers started stockpiling toilet paper, I was cool as a cucumber, assuming that the supply would have caught back up to the demand by the time I was due to replenish my ample home inventory.

I waited till the very last roll before venturing out. Surely those in my community were more sensible than to take more than their fair share of this coveted necessity? Nope. False. Wrongo. Not at all the case.

I went to four locations in search of this precious commodity and still went home empty-handed, but not before making my feelings on the tissue issue known to the lady behind the till at the fourth store.

"This is ridiculous! Where are people getting toilet paper?"

With somewhat of a pitying chuckle, she replied, "Oh, honey, there just isn't any."

So, out of spite, I went home and ordered a bidet.

Thank goodness for priority shipping! My bidet attachment showed up in good time, was easy to install, and has changed our lives forever.

I cannot imagine ever going back to using toilet paper, nor can I believe we, as a society, ever thought it was a good idea. The entire concept now seems so archaic and unhygienic not to mention detrimental to the environment.

While the bidet purchase began as a means to an end, it instantly became the most life-changing 100 bucks I've ever spent. I'll spare you the intimate details (YouTube product reviews are your friend here) but know that my hiney has never been happier!

So delight your derrire! Pamper your posterior! Treat your tush! Switch to a bidet today!

We can all agree that the COVID-19 global pandemic is a total bummer, but for me it's not without a huge silver lining.

I am extremely thankful that all you Nervous Nellies bought up all the toilet paper and ultimately forced my hand. Gone are the days of, quite literally, flushing money down the toilet.

My rump is rejoicing but so, too, is the planet because, when nature calls, not one single tree is destroyed when I answer.

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