Body language expert explains why we misread the people we're dating

Say you're on a first date.

You're out for dinner and everything seems to be going swimmingly.

Your partner is playing with their hair flirtatiously. Their pupils are dilated. They're into you,right?

Well, according to body language expert Mark Bowden, co-author ofTruth and Lies, it's not as obvious as you think.

"You can't read body language. It's not a language. It's nothing like a language," Bowdentold On The Coast host Gloria Macarenko.

"What you can do is get closer to the truth and the lies of what someone might be intending or feeling inside of their head by ... a critical thinking process.

"So it's about how to think better about people's behaviour."

He says body language isn't a tool that lets you read the mind of your date or anyone else, for that matter.

But, if you approach it the right way, it can give you some clues both about what they're feeling and how you can better express what you're feeling.

'You can't just take one signal'

Bowden explains one problem about body language is we think we're great at reading it.

We instantly respond to what we perceive with a gut feeling, but Bowden says most people only get it right about half the time.

Someone playing with their hair? Yes, they could be into you. Or it could be a nervous tic.

Pupils dilating? Could be sexual interest. Or maybe they drank coffee, orlooked toward a dark part of a room after looking into a light.

"Everything has to be taken into context. You can't just take one signal and go, 'I know.They're attracted to me,'" Bowden said. "You have to baseline people."

In his mind, an example of body language on a fun date might be "mirroring:" when one person does something, like laughs, the other person does the same thing.

Another sign is when partners are exhibiting an open body posture, "as if it were a cold day, but now you're in front of a fire."

He says it's important, to show through your body language that other people are valuable. Lots of eye contact is advisable.

But in romantic contexts especially, don't expect body language to be a Rosetta Stone that can decodewhether or not someone likes you.

"You might just have to ask."

With files from CBC Radio One's On The Coast